Rounding up with Christ

Recently one of my kids was learning rounding at school. She really struggled with the concept for some reason. She asked for help at school and home. My husband and I each tried to explain it to her in various ways but it just wasn't sinking in for her. Sometimes she would think she understood and then a new problem would send her right back to confusion. A few tears were shed as well as many roars of frustration.

I too have been struggling to figure out an equation. I have been trying to understand what the recovery literature and others have been saying:

A + B does not = C

Meaning: my husband's addiction and betrayal does not mean there is something wrong with me. (ie., my fault...not good enough, pretty enough, etc...). This has been a very hard concept for me to understand. Sometimes I think I get it, but then a new problem (or trigger) will come up that will send me right back into confusion and self doubt.

Here's a problem:
A + B COULD = C. It just depends on the variables. It is possible that my husband could choose the way he does because I am not a good wife or not good enough for him. Reverse the tables and I could choose to leave my marriage if I feel my husband is not doing enough to fight this addiction.

A + B = C (addiction + betrayal = casualties, CrazyTown, crying, corruption, etc.)

I suppose we need to look closer at the variables. What makes a good wife and a desirable wife? Looks? Skills in the bedroom? Skills in the kitchen? What about loyalty, ulnerability, dedication to the marriage, family and God? What about other talents or skills? Personality?

If I have traits that qualify as a good wife, that enhance my husband's life and help him come closer to God, in my opinion, that makes me a good wife. Perfect? Not at all. But when looking at the variables, my good traits out weigh my weaknesses. And not just as a wife, but as a person...me, just on my own. I have to acknowledge that God has blessed me with talents and traits that are honorable and virtuous and valuable. So I am good. I am valuable. I have much to offer. It is possible that it isn't what my husband wants or chooses, but that doesn't change my value. My variables demonstrate I AM good.

Jesus Christ was PERFECT. Without fault, encompassing all that is good. Yet He was/is rejected and betrayed by those who were closest to Him and what He has to offer is not desirable by many. But that does not mean there is something wrong with HIM or what He has to offer. Just because someone (or many) turn their back on Him or choose something other than what He has to offer does not diminish the value of Him or His offerings.

Now, to be very clear...I am not perfect and the good that I do have to offer is not perfect quality either (not to mention the character flaws I have...step 6). But that is where rounding comes in. My best efforts, rounded up with the Atonement of Christ, will allow me to become a Celestial being.

A (the Atomement) + B (my Best efforts) = Celestial Me.


Nowhere in that equation is ANYTHING to do with whether my husband sees value in me or if his choices can change the results and value of me. My worth is connected to Christ. Period. Does it hurt if my husband doesn't choose me? Absolutely. Deeply. The Savior was known to weep and feel pain because of the choices of those He loves (which is all of us). He hurt deeper than I do. But that doesn't change the value!


Truly, when you take Christ out of the equation, you will never get the results you want! Rounding up WITH Christ is always the best deal!