Character Weaknesses - Part 1

I have more to say about my experiences with character weaknesses, but for today, this is part 1 that is on my mind....

In the 12 step phone in group I attend, we recently read step 6 in the LDS ARP manual, and it talks about over coming our character weaknesses. It felt like kind of an intense step because most of the time it seems my character weaknesses are blaringly right in front of my face. I look at them and agonize over them every day. I have come to believe that one of those character weaknesses is that I do not spend nearly enough time looking at my character strengths. Constantly beating ourselves up about our flaws is not the way God intends us to address our weaknesses.

However, every now and then I am faced with a situation where my character weaknesses take hold and I dig my heels in and completely justify my behavior or reaction. I tell myself, "you have every right to respond this way! In this case it isn't a weakness, it is an expected reaction to the situation." This happened to me this morning. I was faced with a situation with my in-laws where it tested what is already a weakness of mine.

I am not really a generous person. Because I live in so much fear of more loss, I have a hard time giving (time or things) if I am in a state of perceived shortage or struggling. I go into a mode of "my precious, my precious", trying desperately not to lose anything else. Now, on the flip side, my heart does desire to be generous. I just really struggle at it. And when I have been hurt by someone, it is WAY harder for me to be willing to give anything to them.

I have been hurt deeply by my in-laws. DEEPLY. My contact with them is pretty much non-existent at this point. They never call our house anymore, even to talk to our kids. They only have contact with my husband when he is at work, so as to not cross paths with me. We are in a very hard financial situation in our family right now and I had my husband approach them recently and ask if we could have some help so we could try and dig out of some of the debt we are drowning in and for some basic living. We proposed a plan and they said no. And it isn't because they don't have the means to help.

So this morning, the phone rings and it is the in-laws. My husband was home at the time and he talked with them. They were calling asking for some help. They wanted him to drive around meeting one of them and then the other to deliver something that neither of them had time to do themselves. He was supposed to leave for work in about 20 minutes. He agreed to do it, as he always does (he is generous with his/our time and money...sometimes to a fault).
My weaknesses were ROARING! "Why should we help them, when they wouldn't help us? Why can't they do this themselves? Why are their appointments more important than our need for an income (opening the store on time)? Why should we spend this money on gas and parking when they wouldn't help us?" and on and on and on it went. I tried not to ROAR at my husband. I explained my feelings and he pointed out that they have helped us many other times in different ways. I was in such a state that I could not see how they have. He quietly (yay for him overcoming his weakness in that moment and not biting off my head as he usually would!) reminded me of some times when they have helped. I was humbled and apologized to him.

And then I found out that he was an hour and a half late for work (because the list of favors kept growing) instead of the 45 minutes I originally thought. His work is a store we own...so the store was an hour and a half late opening.

ROAR! GRRR! HIIISSSSS!

How quickly the weaknesses return!

"This change of heart or desire is the purpose of step 6. "How?" you may cry. "How can I even begin to accomplish such a change?" Don't be discouraged by these feelings. Step 6, like the steps before it, may feel like an overwhelming challenge. As painful as it may be, you may have to admit, as we did, that recognizing and confessing your character weaknesses in steps 4 and 5 did not necessarily mean you were ready to give them up. You may realize that you still cling to old ways of reacting to and coping with stresses in life - maybe even more so now that you have let go of your addictions." (ARP manual, step 6.)

I know I need to change this about myself. But right now I just feel really grumpy about it. I don't want to be generous to people who have hurt me repeatedly.

But, Jesus Christ, our Example, gave EVERYTHING for all of us - not despite the pain He experienced, but BECAUSE of the pain He experienced - so that we can overcome our weaknesses and have a more full and beautiful life - here and beyond. He KNOWS what it feels like to be betrayed, lied about, abused, shamed, and abandoned. He didn't say, "I will only pay the price for those who are always kind and loving to me." If anything, His kindness extends even deeper to those who did hurt him.

"Give to him that asketh the, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.
"Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, hate thine enemy.

"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you;

"That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

"For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye?

"Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." (Matthew 5:42-48 , 3 Nephi 12:42-48)

Sometimes, being a disciple of Jesus Christ is just down right tough. Worth it, but tough!